Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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