if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
