Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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