yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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