i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
