Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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