I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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