I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
