Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
