I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
