Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
