My room smells like vodka and shame
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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