I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
there's paper in my vomit.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
