please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
