i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize