i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
