So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
