Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
