It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
