Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
