let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
