You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
