My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
