So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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