I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
