I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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