epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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