Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
