11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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