just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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