Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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