It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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