Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize