Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
