Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When did angry sex become our thing?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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