Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
