Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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