i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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