So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
