i wish my penis had a tongue
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
