I faked an abortion last night.
im six kinds of drunk right now
home. puking in laundry basket.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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