there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
