chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
