i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
