my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
pray to the hookup gods
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