Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
