i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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