i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I still have a little drunk in my system
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
