Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
