i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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