Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
