I was born with a shot glass in my hand
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
