the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
