Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
