We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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