This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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