i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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