So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
