It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
