I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
