I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
