Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
