I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
jump out the window naked night went bad
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
