last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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