Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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