my mouth tastes like poor choices
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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