So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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