The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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