Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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