I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
