My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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