I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
