i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
