just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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