margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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