No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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