Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
