Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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