my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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