YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
