just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
