you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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