thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
