So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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