I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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