I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
