ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
