his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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