For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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