I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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