About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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