Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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