We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
