And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
