you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize